Wedding Memories

Oh, here is another “Bob at his wedding” tidbit of things to add to the “Don’t do” list. 

My cousin is about to become a minister.  We had our wedding at his church.  He was at the church for the rehearsal.  After the rehearsal we had 2 hotel suites so all my out of town friends and I could hang out and have fun…kind of a mock-bachelor party.  My cousin was there.  There was some drinking involved (i.e. we all tried to pickle ourselves).  This is what my cousin heard:

Bob: ok ok, Cory, I have a question.  We have breakfast here in the lobby tomorrow morning, it looks like your average greasy spoon fare…following a night of drinking.  We have to get to the church at 11 tomorrow, and are going to be there until probably about 8pm.  After a night of drinking and a greasy breakfast I can guarantee that at some point tomorrow…there will need to be a…umm…transaction….a dropping of the kids off at the pool if you will.  My question is, should this transaction take place at the church where I will be all day tomorrow…will it be a Holy Shit?

Cory…. (shakes his head in disbelief that anyone would take 3 MINUTES to set up a pun.)

(I think this is where he denied knowing me.)

Mastercard Comercial

So this week we got a bunch of prints made of our wedding to give to my wife’s family with their Christmas Presents.  I took the one I like and put it in a little frame and took it to work.  I work in an office with 16 women and 2 men.  I was obliged to walk around showing it off.  While doing so I thought of this MasterCard commercial:

Dress: $500
Suit $250
Flowers $150
Church $400
Photographer $ 300
Picture Printing $150

Hearing 12 people in a row say how beautiful you are just before raving about the really pretty picture frame that you bought at the clearance store for $1.50….Priceless.

(In their defense, I work for a company that makes high end wood furniture, so everyone is interested in pretty wood.  The frame is a really red colored Cherry wood on the long sides, and a light maple color on the short sides, and is nicely curved and contoured, and the colors of the frame nicely compliment the colors in the pictures.)
On a different note, I got an e-mail from a friend.  This friend…not the sharpest apple in the deck.  (I love mixed metaphors) Here is a copy of his message, kind of as a Public Service Announcement.

“So I decided to make peanut butter cookies this weekend when I was at mom & dad’s house.  I did not have any shortening.  I dug around my mom’s kitchen looking for it.  I finally found a jar of grease on top of the fridge.  Have you ever had a chicken flavored peanut butter cookie?  I don’t suggest it.  I discovered that my mom saves fry oil in a jar for re-using later.  Oil that is used for deep frying a chicken is not good for use when making cookies.

Since we are on the topic of things not to do, here is another fact.  I love fried onions.  I love sautéed fried onion and green peppers on tacos.  Never ever throw some oil in a pan on high, then dice up a couple Jalapeno peppers and toss them in smoking hot oil.  You end up with a cloud of pepper spray that burns your eyes, ears, nose, lungs, hands, hands, and anything else that it comes in contact with.  I got in the shower and washed in cold water for 15 minutes and was STILL on fire. That was 2 days ago and my kitchen still smells.”

He is my friend because of the comedic value he provides. 

P.S.  here are the two that are on my desk now.

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a216/bobthegoat/BobWedding3.jpg

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a216/bobthegoat/BobWedding2.jpg

Super secret turkey sauce

Ok, as a treat for being a loyal reader, you are all privy to my super secret turkey sauce.
(Ok, so it is only a secret because people don’t know about it, not because I’m hiding it)

First: cook a turkey in a roasting pan.
Then remove the turkey from the pan.
Pour out all the juice into a clear bowl.
Skim the grease off the juice and discard.
Put the roaster pan on a stove burner and put the heat on it. 
When it starts to get hot you will hear it.
Put about 1 cup of the juice back in the roaster pan.
The sizzling action will pull the chunks off the bottom of the pan. 
Use a spatula to scrape off any remaining chunks.
(the chunks are pure flavor)
Bring to a hard boil.
While it is heating up take about 1 cup of the turkey juice and put it in a cup. 
Add corn starch to the cup and whisk with a fork to get the flour to mix in.
This is a thickener. 
When the sauce in the pan is boiling dump in the starch mix and stir it in.
Add 1 tablespoon of lemon juice.
Add 1 cup of orange juice.
Add 1/4 cup of cranberry juice or cranberry gel (from the can)
Add 1/4 cup honey.
Salt and pepper.  Stir over med-high heat until thickened. 

Use as a drizzle over fresh turkey, or as a biscuit topping.  It is not the prettiest stuff in the world, but once you try it, it will be a new Thanksgiving tradition.

I don’t want to hear it

A little WOW history for me.  I spent just over a year at 60 before BC came out.  I was not one of those people that hit 70 in a week…or a month.  It took me 3 months.  This was partly because I solo’ed the entire way,  partly because I was not the most focused and spent some mindless time grinding when questing would have been faster, but mostly because I was working a lot, and planning my wedding so my play hours were limited.  I hit 70 early in the spring, and spent the summer pissing away my time gaining rep and cash.  I only had access to the Skettis daily’s, so that meant I was earning 24G on most days that I remembered to do it.  Using only that daily, herbing, and skinning I picked up enough gold to get my epic mount.

A good money maker for me was the Consortium guys just south of Area 52 in Netherstorm.  They drop scraps that are turned in for rep, and a lot of gold, and cloth, and some greens that sell well, but they also drop Etherium keys.  You take those keys and go to the prison area near stormspire.  You unlock the prisons there and usually get a mob to kill that usually drops a blue, or good quality green, always drops a card that is turned in for rep, and some cash.  Sometimes when you unlock the prison you get a friendly NPC that grants you 500 rep with Keepers of Time, or Sporogarr.  Vend the crap, AH the greens, blues, cloth, and keys that drop.   

Last Sunday I finally got a group together in Shadowmoon to open up the Netherwing dailies.  Good God!  Since last Sunday I have made it half way into honored, and have made an INSANE amount of gold from the not only the dailies, but the loot gotten while doing them.  I am as of this morning up over 1000G in less than one week of my half assed play just because of the netherwing stuff. 

I still don’t have access to the Ogrila dailies, but it leaves me to wonder.  It took me 3 months to grind my say to an epic flying mount with only 2 dailies.  How can people that have all 10 dailies available still claim to not have enough to get an epic mount?  There are at least 4 people in my guild that I run with, all of which have 2-3 level 70 toons that have access to the dailies, NONE of which have epic flying. 

**THE FOLLOWING IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT**

Get Epic Flying.  Period. 

Not only is it Effin SWEET to fly at super sonic speeds, but once you get it, you can stop taking flight points.  9 out of 10 times it is faster to just mount up and fly somewhere than it is to fly to a city and catch a flight path.  AND doing so gives you the ability to swoop down and herb / mine / kill that rare spawn / gank that flagged lowbie.  For gathering professions, and even quest grinders epic flying will seriously increase your money making ability. 

Thanksgiving

Well, Thanksgiving went by very well.  It ended up being only 5 of us, because my sister and brother in law both had to work. 

My parents and grandma came up on Wednesday evening.  They got here about 7.  We had all eaten but I had some snacks ready.  The idea was play some cards, bake some pies, make some potato salad, go to bed, get up, make turkey and all the other hot foods, eat, and have a good time.  About 8:30 my mom said “I brought a surprise.” and proceed to pull out a large paper bag full of drinks.  She brought the stuff to make Redheads (jagermeister, peachtree, and cranberry), Jager bombs, some good rum, and some Miller Lite.

Now, a little family history, my family are some drinkers.  I’ll let the following tidbits speak as to how much.

We start drinking and talking.  Then we play some cards.  The drinks are flowing like water.  We start playing Uno.  Don’t ask me how, but my 72 year old grandmother has never played Uno.  Now, we are all getting pretty sauced and trying to teach an old dog new tricks.  Keep in mind, by this time the 5 of us have gone thru an entire two quart pitcher of redhead, and I was also sipping on my second rum and coke.  None of us were in any condition to walk down stairs. 

Me: Grandma, yellow 5 to you.

Grandma: (plays red 3)

Me: You can’t play that.

Grandma: But you told me to play the same color.

Me: yes, but I played a yellow and you played a red.

Grandma: You said I could play the same number but a different color.

Me: yes, but I played a 5 and you played a 3.

Grandma: Look, I didn’t make up the rules to this stupid game, I’m just following them.  Leave me alone.

Me:  …..

Dad: Just take your turn (informing everyone that grandma does not have to follow the rules)

Three rounds go by, she is vaguely following the rules.  I lean over and whisper in grandma’s ear for a minute.  The next round she does a grandma play and throws a green 8 on a blue 2 or something like that. 

Me: I’m out.

(Everyone does the obligatory groan.)

Grandma: ok, I played the green card, where is my drink?

Dad: Huh?

Grandma: Well he told me that no one cares if I break the rules, and that if I played a green card on my next turn that he would get me another drink.

Grandma is such a stool Pidgeon.

So, then mom and my wife get up to make more drinks.  They are giggly.  They are suffering from a staggering attack of gravity and have trouble standing up at the counter without wobbling away.  My mom is pouring into the pitcher and a little bit dribbled down the bottle and onto the counter.  I said “That will stain, wipe it up.”  My mom proceeds to pick up a Ritz cracker and stuff it in her mouth, then pick up another Ritz and look at it, think for half a second, then tried to wipe up the spilled drink.

Just to clarify, yes, my mom tried to wipe up a spill with a cracker.

When questioned about it the next morning she said that there was actually some logic involved.  She had been eating the crackers and they made her mouth dry.  Her thought was if the liquid made the dry cracker mouth do away, then a dry cracker could make liquid go away. 

The only problem with this logic is that I woke up the next morning to find crusty dried alcohol stain covered in crumbs, grease, and salt.

Finally, about 2:30 I convince everyone to go to bed (I was exhausted because I had to work that day).  My drunk wife crawls into bed.  Now we are opposites when drinking.  Drinking is a sedative to me, and a upper to her.  She is wide awake.  She points to the TV.

Wife: I’m not sleepy, go turn on the Xylophone.

Me: Wait, to the what now?

Wife: Wait…it’s not Xylophone…what is that thing?

Me: TV?

Wife:  No, the Xylophone thing, what is that?

Me: …

Wife: the one with Nemo in it…the round thingey that makes the sound.

Me: The DVD?

Wife: That is enough with the talking, make with the movie watching.

I was not paying attention, but I don’t believe she was awake long enough to see the DVD menu come on.

More to follow as I have time.

Literally a blast

I wrote a post about going shooting.  Then I thought about not posting it after writing it because of all the anti-gun sentiment I have heard lately.  Then I remembered something.  A gun is an inanimate object.  It does not move.  I can not move.  I can do no more than what it was designed to do, AND what it’s user tells it to do.  It is at the complete control of the user. A gun can not be bad.  A gun can not be a murderer.  A gun can not murder.  Murder is an act.  A gun is a tool.  A gun can be USED to murder, but so can a ball point pen, or a jump rope.   Guns are an extension of the person in control of them.  It allows the user more power than they would normally have physically. 

To me a gun is a toy.  It is the most serious and the toy that requires the most attention and concentration, but it is none the less a toy.  It is used for recreation.  I use a gun to poke holes in things that are very far away.  A gun is an exercise in precision.  It works out my ability to control many elements to make something happen that not many other people can do.  I enjoy shooting because a bullet is very powerful, and I can control its power deftly. 

That being said, here is my post:

I had a BLAST this past Saturday.  We had a family thanksgiving Saturday, then a family trip to the shooting range Sunday.  My mom, Dad, Best friend, and I were there and are all accomplished shooters.  My brother in law and wife are new to shooting.  My wife went with us twice last summer; this was my brother in laws first time shooting. 

My dad and I both have 22’s that we spent quote a bit of time with.  Then, we shot my dad’s Smith & Wesson 357 / 38 special revolver that I love so much.  My wife was a natural…the brother in law learned fast, and both did very well for beginners. 

Then, the fun really began.  My dad brought a long gun for my wife to try out.  It is a 22-250.  (The 22-250 is the big brother of the .223, same bullet more powder)  I have shot 8” groups with it at 500 yards, the thing drives tacks.  On the dirt hill back stop behind the 100 yard targets I had laid out 10 clay pigeons. (I also threw out 10 at 200 yards for my dad and I)  Shooting those is good because at 100 yards it is hard to spot a .25” hole that the 22-250 leaves.  This was the biggest gun she has ever shot. I showed her how the bolt action works, and how to work the scope.  I let her try the trigger a couple times, because it has a hair trigger on it.  I showed her how to load the gun and work the bold to chamber a round.  I showed her how to hold her breath to steady herself to make the shot.  I told her to aim at the top left clay at 100 yards.  BANG.  She missed.  No problem, try again.  BANG.  I told her she missed again, and she asked where the clay went.  I said “see, 5 on the top row, 5 on the bottom row, there are still ten.”  She said “No, I hit it.  There are 4 on top, 5 on bottom.”  I told her that I was looking right at them, and that there were 5 on top.  She came and looked through the binoculars and said “No, see, there is only 4.” and pointed. 

Crap.

There were only 4…on the 200 yard backstop.

She had aimed at the wrong hill.  Instead of shooting at 100 yards, she shot one at 200 yards.  I told her what an accomplishment that was, and she sat down and aimed at the 100 yard hill. She said “those look a lot closer” and proceeded to break 3 for 3 with her last 3 rounds. 
 
I think I have created a monster.  She is already planning our next trip, and told my dad to bring that gun again. 

As for me, I was very pleased.  I shot 10 for 10 at 200 yards and 4 for 5 at 300 yards.  The guy that runs the range came to watch us shoot since so few people shoot at the 200 and 300 yard range. He was impressed.  When he saw that we were breaking clays at that distance he was impressed.  When he watched my mom and I battle to break 5 clays at 25 yards with the pistols he was very impressed.  I had a very good day.

It does not end.

Today is typical thanksgiving office chatter where we tell what we are doing, old stories, tricks, tips, recipes etc.  I cook, so I spent a lot of time narrating how to do simple kitchen things (who the hell does not know how to deglaze the drippings and make gravy…seriously.)

One woman piped up that her husband is going to one of his relatives houses, but she is staying home because she does not like that relative because “He is just a jerk”.  Someone prodded her for more information so the story came out.  To paraphrase: Last year they went there for thanksgiving.  She brought “Jasmine” with her.  When they got there the host threw a fit because they have a huge house and cats, and apparently Jasmine would “cause the cats a tizzy”.  Whatever the hell a tizzy is.  She asked if Jasmine could be locked in one of the 4 empty bedrooms that were not being used, but he said no, so she had to leave Jasmine in the car, and go out every once in a while to run the car to warm it up for her. 

I was outraged that someone would invite their relative over, then make them leave their child in the car.

Then she said “Apparently he expected me to call and get permission to bring Jasmine with us”. 

I was even more floored that someone would invite someone, and not expect their children to come. 

Then one little detail that escaped me became evident.  Jasmine is a Pomeranian, not a child.

(insert blank stare here).

WHO THE FUCK BRINGS A DOG TO THANKSGIVING?!?!?!  And, even more so, to the home of a person that may as well be a stranger, and did not specifically ask if you are bringing them? 

I am officially revoking her Thanksgiving rights.  She ruined thanksgiving for that host, her license to eat turkey and stuffing, and mashed potatoes, and cranberries, and green bean casserole, and relish tray vegetables, and yams, and squash, and even pumpkin pie.  Thanksgiving will be just another Thursday for her.  No Macy’s float.  No post face stuffing nap on the couch.  No football.  No day after thanksgiving shopping NOTHING.

Seriously, what is it with the people that can not see past the end of their arms.  There are other people in this world.  Before doing anything that interacts with, or effects another human being, THINK about the effects of what you are doing.  Think of any possible negative complications that may arise.   If you think of something that could be bad, then try and think of a way to do what you would like to do, without that bad thing happening. 

Lets say you want to go shooting.  If you happen to be in a mall at the time, it is probably a bad idea.  If you realize that BEFORE blowing holes in unsuspecting victims, you can re-locate to a field.  Doing this allows you to have just as much fun without all the carnage because you failed to plan. 

It all boils down to one word.

THINK.

WTB enchanter to DE raid players

I really hate people sometimes. 

Our guild was so small that we did not have enough for Kara.  Seeing 8 people online on a non-kara night is a big night.  We started playing with a few people from a couple other guilds, and with those three people, we have had enough to run.  I logged in about 7:15 for the 8:00 raid.  I repaired, re-stocked on ammo, hit the bank for potions, checked the AH for any upgrades / consumables I didn’t have, and traveled to Kara.  I got there about 7:45 right as invites went out.  At 8:05 we had 2 show up for a total of 8 people in the raid.  At 8:15 someone finished the BG that had been in and was summoned, and right then the Main Healer logged in. 

So, because the person coming from BG’s had PVP flag, the summoners got it.  Then someone buffed and they got PVP.  Finally, we all had to sit there and wait for it to expire.  Then, some genius realized that we had 11 people in the raid.  We have sign ups, but the three people from the other guilds, and 2-3 from our guild refuse to sign up.  Everyone said “but I have never needed to sign up before”.  When I was helping in a MC raid here were the jist of the guidelines that I wrote up.

Raid time is 5pm server.  If you don’t know what time server time is type /time.  Summoning to the raid is not allowed unless you had been told that you were not coming.  If you are not at the raid at 4:55 AND fully prepared, you risk losing your spot.  Invites go out in the order that you sign up.  If you are not one of the first people signed up, come anyway.  Odds are someone will be late / not show / or not be prepared, in which case you can come.  Replacement invites go out at 4:55 to everyone not inside the instance.  Invites are then based on the sign up list, but priority is given to those AT the instance. 

DKP is granted to everyone at the start of the raid.  Start DKP is doubled for the entire raid if the entire raid is on time.  DKP is granted to everyone present when a boss dies.  DKP is granted when the raid is called for the night.  If you leave before the raid is called, you do not get the closing DKP.  If you arrive late, or require a summon to get there on time you do not get starting DKP.  If you get a summon and the raid starts on time then the rest of the raid can still get on time double DKP. 

If you warn the officers that you are going to be late at least the day before the raid, and it is an acceptable amount of time, then we can hold your spot, subject to raid leaders approval.    

This little rant is because I have learned that more than anything, respect is the driving force in the universe.  It is disrespectful to all 9 of us for that guy to show up PVP flagged.  He made us all wait an extra 10 minutes because he was not able to skip that LAST AB.  I’ve done AB.  I’ve done AB since you had to actually GO to AB to get into AB.  I know that AB is a very short game, so he probably started it well after he should have been making his way to Kara.  It was disrespectful for the last 4 people to show up late, causing the rest of us to wait.  I gave up 30 minutes of play time to be sure to get there prepared and on time.  Then they decided for me to give up another 20 minutes of my time.  They took up almost as much of my time as I did because they don’t care that respect that other people are depending on them.

Respect your guild.  Be on time and be prepared.

Oddities

I have noticed some of the new cooking recipes and don’t quite understand them. Ok, food that gives you more stamina and spirit I can buy. It makes you healthier and the healthier you are the faster you recover from blows. Food that gives you agility or strength I can buy. Caffine. Crack. Nuff said. Food that gives you haste rateing I can buy. In the real world these are Amphetamines. But, there is now a food that increases hit rating. That I don’t get. What food does not increase your agility, but makes you more accurate with your weapon? How is that possible? That being said, I would also like to discuss the same concept applied to the hunter deadzone. I am a shooter in real life. Even if you are not a shooter, you are probably aware of the shooting term “Point blank range”. Point blank range is so close that there is no way to miss. It is close enough you could punch them. I don’t understand how I can hit a moving target at 40 yards, but I can’t hit one at 5 feet. A target can be so close that I can beat them with the gun like a club, but somehow blizzard thinks that it is impossible for me to poke them with the end of the barrel and squeeze the trigger. In this last patch, much to my glee, they reduced the minimum range of ranged weapons from 8 yards to 5 yards. They said that this is not a buff, but rather they finally decided to fix a bug that has been around for over 2 years. Apparently the min range was developed so hunters can not melee while shooting ranged. My response to that is two part. First, hunters that have the option to shoot but choose to melee deserve the gimp DPS that they get out of that. Second, if the deadzone was truly a broken mechanic, then make it so any ranged attacks have 3 second cooldown to all melee attacks, or eliminate all melee all together except wing clip. Make hunters into a mage that does physical damage and has a pet. No other class has a deadzone, or a minimum range, and all melee classes have a host of ways to get into range. Or, make the 5 yard range only apply to PVP. Let me aimed shot from 1 foot away in PVE if the deadzone is a PVP balance mechanic. Doing anything to lower the min range would make hunters viable in arena. Flasks. I can understand buffs, they are magical. What I am curious about is how flasks last through death. Priest’s buffs expire upon death, but priest’s can rez. I think that priest buffs should last through death, along with any other class that can rez. They have obviously mastered the concept of death, and can circumvent it. However, mages can not rez, Arcane Intellect should expire upon death. Why can an alchemist (which could be a warrior with exceptionally low intellect) make potions called flasks that can last through death?

The best personal ad never:

A friend of mine and I were talking about how when we got married we had to go delete accounts from dating websites.  (Not that any of them ever led to any actual contact, we both just like filling out profiles.)

We got talking about things that we hated seeing on profiles.  For example, there is no faster way to get me to click next than if their profile says that they like to “Party and listen to music”.  Eventually, we drifted to things we avoided listing on our profile.  For example, I am a cover hog, and yell at people for leaving the lights on in a room that they are not in.  Then the conversation evolved into creating the perfect ad that will never get a response. 

Married woman seeks attention while husband is away:

My husband is in a mental institution for “allegedly” killing 4 people.  He won’t be out for 6 months and I’m bored.  Let’s have fun together.  I enjoy the opera, sunsets, and marathon home shopping network weekends.  Don’t worry about rushing into physical activity; I can’t until “the rash” clears up.  Guys with experience applying ointment a plus, must be willing to assist with needlepoint, and helping change grandma.  She is incontinent, and ever since she moved into the living room, she needs immediate attention.  Her new medication makes her a real little squirt. Lol.  I hope you don’t mind a little extra woman.  I have put on some weight since getting married.  They just don’t make XXXL sweatpants as big as they used to.  I enjoy watching movies, even more so now that we moved the TV to the other side of the room so I can see it with my good eye.

Then I came up with this one:

Seeking partner for one date:

SWF with renal failure seeking a one night stand.  Must not have family, or many friends.  Must be blood type B+.  Must be drug free, and a deep sleeper.  Please don’t tell anyone where you are going, and bring a bathtub full of ice, and wear loose fitting clothes. 

I thought that this was the best possible ad that would never get a response.  My friend countered with a much simpler one:
 

Old and fat seeks young rich and hung:

Must have a bad ticker, and no pre-nup.  Please send bank statement with contact info attached.